“What’s Wrong with my Life?” – Romans 8:28

I got a letter from a friend of mine in prison last week and I would like to read a small section of it to you.  He starts off by saying, “I know this correspondence will encounter your congregation in the best of hands.  For we know who has it under control, the mighty right hand of God.” 

He goes on to say what has happened to him since he has been in prison.  He has enrolled in Bible College, working on his Bachelors in Theology, looking to take master’s studies to be a Christian counselor.  So, that’s pretty cool.  But then he continues by saying, “I may be in prison but I’m free and it took prison and the grace and mercy of God to deliver this wretched soul.”

What do you think about that?  Maybe he’s lying.  Maybe he’s just saying that to sound spiritual and be all holier-than-thou.  Do you think that?  No.  He’s not.  He really means that.  I have no doubt.  In fact, I visit the local jail a couple of times a month and it’s a rare visit that somebody doesn’t tell me that they are glad to be in jail because it has saved them from where they would surely have been otherwise.

“It took prison and God to save this wretched soul.”  Now, do you think that when the cops busted him for whatever it is that he did and they were putting him in handcuffs and putting him in the squad car, do you think he was rejoicing and saying, “Thank you, Lord! I’m about to be free!”?  I doubt it.  I bet he thought that was the worst day of his life and he may have been right.

Some of you have similar testimonies.  Maybe it was when you got fired or maybe it was when the doctor gave you bad news or when a loved one died or when you woke up poor, addicted or incarcerated and you realized that God had, in fact, given you more than you could handle and in despair you cried out to God for Him to please help you.  Somebody tell me what happened when you did that.  Real quickly.

Most people who have that kind of testimony say they felt a great weight lifted off as if God just simply said, “Thank you.  That’s right where I want you to be.”  Some of you may be in that dark place right now at the lowest of the low, in great despair, with nothing behind you but burnt bridges and nothing ahead of you but scorched earth and you can’t help but wonder, “What’s wrong with my life?”

Lately, we have looked at what the Bible says about prayer, marriage, and church and looking at what they really are and what they are not; how to make them better and how to make them worse.  At some point in everyone’s life, if they are honest, they will ask what is wrong with my prayers, what’s wrong with my marriage and what’s wrong with my church and we have seen truth from scripture to help us in those situations. 

Today, we ask, “What’s wrong with my life?”  It’s a question some people never have answered and that is a shame because God wants us to know and has told us in His Word what is wrong with our lives.  One of those passages may well be your favorite verse in all the Bible.  Romans 8 is one of the most powerful chapters in the Bible and the crown jewel of that chapter is the beloved verse 28.  Please turn there if you haven’t already and let’s see what God says through the Apostle Paul.

In this letter to the Christians in Rome, the apostle stands up like a great attorney and makes the case for the Gospel.  He lays it out plainly and clearly, stating the bad news that we are all sinners and what we deserve for that sin is eternal death (3:23 and 6:23) building an airtight case for the lostness of mankind and the necessity of God’s grace which is the good news.  Now, the good news about this Good News is that in this relationship with God through His Son Jesus, we start to see the providence of God.  We start to see that God is in control and that He loves us.

So, let’s read just that one verse.  Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

That is one of the most loved verses in all the Bible but also one of the most misunderstood as well and when you misunderstand it, it’s hard to believe but when you do understand it, it brings great peace and joy to our lives.

So, I want to tear it apart and get a closer look at it to see just how this works.  I did that with a small piece of machinery the other day.  I took it apart and wound up having to send the pieces of it in multiple baggies to a professional to have it repaired.  I hope this works out better.

Paul says, “We know…”  Who is “we”?  “We” is Christians; true believers, people who have a relationship with Jesus.  He tells us more about that in just a minute but just know that this verse, like this whole book of Romans, is written to Christians, not unbelievers; not just church members or those whose mamas were Sunday School teachers.  There is a credit card with the slogan, “Membership has privileges”.  Well, so does true Christianity and one of the perks is this verse.

There are certain things that we can know in this life and certain things that we will never know.  I don’t know how prayer works.  I don’t know how God the Father can know when He is coming again and Jesus doesn’t know.  I don’t know why bad things happen to good people (although I have some answers).  I don’t know what happened to the dinosaurs.  I bet Paul could say the same thing.

But Paul did know some things.  In 2 timothy 1:12 he said, “I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.”  In 2 Corinthians 5:1 he said, “We know that if the earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens".  Philippians 1:19 says, "For I know that this shall turn out for my salvation through your prayers, and through the supply of the Holy Spirit of Christ Jesus".  Here in Romans, Paul says, “We know…”

We can’t prove it scientifically or mathematically but we know because God said it and God has proven Himself from the Old Testament into the New Testament into our lives that He is trustworthy.  So…we know.

“We know that in all things…”  “All things” means what?  I looked this phrase up in my big concordance like I did several other words in this verse just so I could know exactly what Paul meant when he wrote this and do you know what it said?  I looked it up and it said, “Why are you looking this up, Goober?  Don’t you know what “all” means?”  I was kind of offended but it’s true.  We all know what “all” means.  It means the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent, the funny, the sad, the big, small, important and the terrible.  God works everything for our good.

It’s called providence.  Providence is simply God’s divine hand controlling everything.  Psalm 103:19 says, “The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.”  There’s that word “all” again.  I heard the true story of an arrogant young man who made his brothers mad so they threw him in a hole in the ground until they could find somebody to buy him and make him a slave and take him to another country.  They were glad when he was hauled off but the boy was heartbroken to be forced to leave his father and brothers.

Things got worse for the boy in the other country.  He was made a slave, then thrown in prison for years and years where he was basically forgotten by everybody except God.  God then raised him up out of that prison, gave him great wisdom and made him second in command of the whole nation.

Years and years later his brothers came to that country looking for food and would have starved to death if they couldn’t get it but their long-lost brother was in charge of all that now and he had mercy on them and gave the whole family everything they needed and more.  Then in Genesis 50:19 that powerful man, who had once been an arrogant boy, said to his brothers who had sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Maybe you have a similar testimony to that.  Maybe, in hind sight you can see God’s providence has brought you where you are today.  He has brought you where He wants you, not just in spite of bad things and bad choices but because of bad things and bad choices to a place where He wants you and can use you to minister to somebody, making you more like Him and bringing glory to Him.

That’s what is meant by the word “good” in this verse and some people misunderstand that.  They think the word “good” means comfortable, rich, healthy and happy.  The Greek word that Paul uses right there is “agathos” and it’s the same word used in Matthew 19:17 where Jesus says, “Why do you ask me about what is good?  There is only One who is good.”  He is saying that only God is good.  Only God is agathos and when you understand that God is good and everything He does is good; everything He wants for us is good, then you start to understand Romans 8:28.

God works all things together in a synergistic way to put us where we are supposed to be, so we can minister to others and make us more like Him so that He gets the glory.  It is basically what James 1 says.  Turn to the book of James real quick.  James 1:2 starts out by saying, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”  Now, if James had just stopped there I don’t think I could ever read the Bible again because that is crazy talk.  That’s ridiculous.  Joy when facing trials.

But he continues so let’s hear him out.  “Because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”  Well, big whoop.  I don’t need perseverance.  Gimme fewer trials.  Keep reading though.  “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature.”  Nope.  Don’t care about maturity.  I’m fine being immature.  Gimme fewer trials.  “So that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  Okay, I want that.  I want, “not lacking anything.”

How do we get to “not lacking anything”?  “Trials of many kinds.”  It takes trials of many kinds to bring us to where we are supposed to be so we can minister to others and make us more like God so that God gets the glory and we lack nothing.  I’m in.  How about you?

Lois, would you please stand up for just a minute?  I promise I don’t want to embarrass you but I need to ask you a couple of questions.  How long ago were you diagnosed with cancer?  What is the status of your cancer now?  What was involved with treating that cancer?  Chemo, radiation, surgery, etc?  How difficult was that?  Do you want to do it again?  Would you want that for any of us?  Why did God allow you to go through such a trial?  Was it for your good?  How?

I don’t know why exactly God allowed you to go through that and I can’t imagine having to endure that trial but maybe at least part of the reason is so you could stand here today and minister to us right where God wants you as He has obviously made you to be more like Him through all of this and today you are giving Him the glory.  If there is more to His reasoning than that we will probably have to wait until we see Him face to face and that’s okay because we trust Him. Amen?

Now, let’s look at the last part of this verse.  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.”  Who here loves God?  Everybody loves God, right?  Especially the people sitting here in church with the pastor asking.  In fact, I bet if you went door to door, most people would say they love God so does this verse apply to everybody that says they love God?

Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  W.A. Criswell said, “The man who is in the will and in the purpose of God, the man who’s on God’s side, the man whose heart is with Christ, to that man in God’s plan and in God’s purpose and in God’s infinite love, whatever comes, whatever happens works together – conspires together – reaches out toward the thing that is blessedly, marvelously good. 

The man who is not in the love of God and in the purpose of God, everything’s against him.  God’s against him, heaven’s against him, life is against him, death is against him – everything is against him.  Over there in the Book of Judges, it says of Sisera who was warring against the children of Israel, ". . . the stars in their courses fought against Sisera" [Judges 5:20].  So with any man outside of the will of God and outside of the purpose of God: everything you do will curse, and damn, and destroy, and ruin.  Outside of the will of God, nothing works together for good!”  https://www.wacriswell.com/sermons/1954/god-s-providential-care/

So, what’s wrong with your life?  If the problems in your life are caused by sin, then repent, turn away from that sin and ask God for forgiveness and do it right now.  Quit fighting God and everything on His side and give up trying to control what you always mess up and will never control anyway.  God is in control and He loves you.  He gave Jesus to be the perfect sacrifice to die for your sins and all you have to do is believe.

That true belief will manifest itself in obedience to God’s Word and will but gives great freedom, peace and joy in this life but also a blessed assurance of eternal life in heaven with Him.  Understand that a true Christian’s life will have much of the same trials and difficulties but we know that those trials are used by God to make us more like Jesus, to bring us to where He wants us so we can minister to others and bring glory to God.

When you understand that, why wouldn’t Romans 8:28 be your favorite verse?  We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

“What’s Wrong with my Church?” – Acts 2:42-47

Today we are asking the question, “What’s Wrong with my Church?”  We have asked, “What’s Wrong with my Marriage?” and “What’s Wrong with my Prayers?”  Today, we look at our church to find out what scripture says about it; what it is, what it’s not; how to make it better and how to make it worse.  Just like with marriage and prayer, I want to know what God expects of us, His bride, the church.

Somebody tell me what you think church is supposed to be for.  What is church supposed to be about?  Somebody tell me what you get out of coming to church?  How do you feel when you miss church?

If you want to know what great government is supposed to look like you can look at what our country’s founding fathers had in mind.  If you want to know what a great church is supposed to look like, you can go to what the first church looked like in the book of Acts.  Acts 2:42-47 is to the church what the constitution is to the United States.

I say all the time that this church reminds me a lot of that first church and, I’ll be honest, the more I study this passage, the more Christ Fellowship looks just like that church did.  So, if that is true, what’s wrong with our church?  I want you to think about our church as we read this passage and look for similarities.  Most of them will be obvious.  That church worshipped.  Our church worships.  That church fellowshipped.  This church does too.  So, let’s look at Acts 2:42-47 and maybe we can see what’s wrong with our church.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³ Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶ Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I heard the story about a navy ship that saw smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island.  Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"  The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts."  The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."  "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.      "Oh, that's where I USED to go to church."

It’s pretty easy to get disillusioned with the church you attend and pretty easy to just leave and that normally happens when somebody doesn’t keep in mind what the job of the church really is and why we are supposed to come to church in the first place.

I see five things in this passage that pretty much sum up what a church is supposed to be about.  It says right off the bat “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching…”  What were the apostles teaching?  They were teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Now, most of you know that the Good News or the Gospel of Jesus is found, not just in the first four books of the New Testament that we call the Gospels, but the Good News of Jesus is found, alluded to, pointed toward or clearly seen in every book of the Bible, even the Old Testament.

In fact, the apostles would not have had any of the New Testament written at this time.  They were going by what Jesus had told them and what they had heard Him teach and preach when He was with them which included how passages in the Old Testament pertained to Him.  Charles Spurgeon once said, “I take my text and make a beeline for the Gospel.” 

We do the same thing here.  Every sermon, no matter the text, ends with an invitation to accept the Gospel, the Good News, the truth about Jesus Christ.  You will have that opportunity again today.  This church has devoted itself to the Gospel in every class or Bible study or message; even the songs we sing.  Everything revolves around Him.

Now, also in verse 42, it talks about how the first church was devoted to fellowship.  That word is not just in our name, it is something we do every time we meet.  That’s a part of our worship.  That original Greek word is “koinonia” which means to have things in common or a partnership.  We have common experiences and interests in and out of the church but when we come together we fellowship and celebrate those commonalities.

We have special times of fellowship where that’s all we do and we might meet together on a Friday or Saturday night and I usually teach everybody how to play and win at “Spoons” (: but fellowship is more than just playing games.  We have a partnership in this church; all of us do and we see it every time we meet.

Now, notice that the term, “breaking bread” is used twice in this passage.  Once in verse 42 and it says they “broke bread together” in verse 46.  Scholars tell us that the first time it is used is probably to denote what we call the “Lord’s Supper” or “communion” and the second time is meant that they had a regular meal together.  This church does both regularly.  We don’t have any problem when it comes to eating together, do we?

In a 1st grade class room, it was Show and Tell day. The teacher picked 3 boys to stand up and present their religious objects to the class.

The first boy stood up and said "Hi, My name is Abram, I'm Jewish and this is a Matzaball!"

The second boy got up and said "Hi, my name is Johnny and I'm Catholic, this is a Crucifix!"

Finally the third boy got up and said "Hi, My name is Billy and I am Baptist, and this is a casserole!"

Most of us have been taught since we were little that going to church often meant eating together and we should.  It is biblical.  It’s part of true worship to come together and “break bread” either in a regular meal or commemorating the Lord’s Supper.

Ministry is also a part of what the church should be about and we see that included in verse 45.  It says they gave to anyone who had need.  I just wish y’all could be here sometime during the week when somebody comes here needing food from the food pantry.  It is such a blessing to me to be able to help people in a real, physical way.  I always tell them that our church is not big and not rich and we can’t usually pay their bills but we can help them with some food and while this is a great outreach tool, I hope you know that our food pantry is also very much for church members.  If you need some help, please ask.  That’s part of our ministry just like it was for the first church.

So far, we have seen how the first church included discipleship as they devoted themselves to the Gospel.  They had fellowship as they broke bread together.  They had ministry as they gave to those in need and we see their evangelism come out in verse 47 where it says they enjoyed the favor of all the people.

I am so proud of this church for that same reason.  Everybody in this community knows where to come when they need help.  Every week somebody shows up for food but they also come by or call often just to be prayed for.  Sometimes they need help moving or they need advice or they need a ride and I know that somebody in this church will be able to help them and they know that too.  They know that the little church down the street with the green sign is where to go to for help physically or spiritually. 

I wish I had time to tell you the stories of the guy who comes ever so often to play the piano or the lady who needs a place to pray before she goes home or how we didn’t have such a good reputation when we were at Runaway Bay.  But, just like the first church, all of this is included in worship.  That’s the fifth thing.  They were praising God, meeting together, eating together and loving on each other as they gave God all the glory.  Doesn’t that sound like Christ Fellowship? 

But look at the very last sentence.  “And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

So…what’s wrong with our church?  How come we don’t see that happen to us today?  What are we doing wrong?  Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.  I think about it all the time and I’ve done a lot of thinking about it just this week.

First off, I don’t think we are doing anything wrong.  We are a church made up of humans and we will make mistakes and maybe there are things that we could do better but I don’t see any pervasive sin that is being overlooked or justified or anything like that.  We have great unity.  We teach and preach truth.  We try to be biblical in every way.  I don’t see it as sin that is keeping us from growing.

Another thing, while we should be concerned about church growth, it’s not our responsibility to grow it.  That’s Jesus’s job.  He said so when He told Peter in Matthew 16, “Upon this rock I will build my church” and so I don’t worry about numbers or money.  I do worry about those people in our community and around the world that don’t know Jesus and don’t have peace and joy in this life and have no hope for the next life.  So, we try our best to tell everybody about Him, inside the church and outside the church just like we do at the RV park.

It’s not church membership that gets people to Heaven but how are they going to hear if the church doesn’t tell them either inside these walls or outside?  Why is it that people are no longer drawn to the church like they used to be?  Yes, part of that is the declining morals of the country we live in and that is to be expected but even folks who claim to be believers put less value on the church than they used to.

So, when I ask, “What’s wrong with our church?” it’s not just Christ Fellowship.  Church attendance all over the place is down.  I did some research – and you know what that means, right?  I googled, “How to get people to church” just to see what came up and there were some helpful hints about how we should try to convince people to get here on Sundays.

Tell them that Jesus was our model for it (Luke 4:16) and that He commanded it.  Hebrews 10:25 says do not neglect meeting together.  It suggested meeting at different times and in different places.  Maybe we should have a theme church like bikers or cowboys.  Did you know there is even a nudist church?  Oh yes.  Maybe we should have a good, old-fashioned tent revival or serve food when we worship.  Maybe we should knock on doors and beg and plead.

All of those are fine and good ideas.  Okay, the nudist thing is just ridiculous and that ain’t happening but all the others are good ideas.  By the way, don’t google nudist church.  Nobody wants to see any of that.  But the problem with the basic concept of trying to convince Christians that they should value church attendance more is also not our jobs.  Hear me out on this.

We all know; all Christians know that going to church regularly is a command.  It’s for our benefit and God said to do it.  Romans 12:5 says, “... so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”  Ephesians 4:2 says we are to bear with one another.  How can we bear if we’re not together?


1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.  1 Thessalonians 5:11   Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.   James 5:16   Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.


You can’t do any of that at the house or on the lake or in the field or at the track.  So, obviously, the Bible makes it plain that church attendance is mandatory and so not to do it is sin.  Now, is it my job to convict you of sin or to convince you not to sin?  I can play a part by pointing it out if needed but God convicts us of sin. 


Jesus told His disciples in John 16:13 that when he left, the Holy Spirit would come to guide them in all truth.  Isaiah 30:21 says, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it.”  God uses His word to convict you and the Spirit to convince you that something is sin and how do you feel when you know you have sinned? You should feel ashamed.


You should be grieved that you have grieved the Holy Spirit.  It should bother you that your sin is what Jesus died for so you could be forgiven and yet we still choose to do it.  That should pain you to the core and if it doesn’t; if sinning doesn’t bother you; if missing church is no big deal or just another option amongst many then either the Holy Spirit is not doing the job He said He would do or…maybe He doesn’t really live inside of you at all.


2 Corinthians 1:22 says that God has put His Spirit in the hearts of believers and we know that the Holy Spirit guides us and gives us wisdom.  If He is not guiding you to church, then maybe it’s because you are not part of the body.  I’m afraid that there is going to be a lot of people who die and expect to hear God say, “Welcome my good and faithful servant” because they said the right thing to the right person and walked the aisle and maybe even got baptized.


Matthew 7:16 says we will be known by our fruits and there are lots of people who have said they want Jesus to be Lord of their life and yet they are fruitless.  Those people will hear God say, “Go away.  I never knew you.”  Part of being fruitful is being an active member of a group of believers.  It always has been and always will be. 


I’m not saying this to get more bodies in the door so we can brag about how many people we have.  What I’m concerned about are those people who think they are believers but aren’t; those that are content to have fire insurance but don’t see the need for church every Sunday.  I understand that almost nobody can make it to church every time the doors are open.  That’s not the person I’m concerned about.  You know that.


So, right now, my dear and very precious family, please hear me.  Let’s bow our heads and close our eyes like we do every Sunday at this time.  But this time, I want every one of us, even me, to spend a few minutes, not just talking to God but really listening for that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, our Guide.  Allow Him to reassure you of your salvation.  Let Him bring to mind that day, that occasion that you accepted God’s forgiveness and you repented of – turned away from -  your sins and confessed Him to be your Lord and your Savior, believing in Him to be the Way, the Truth and the Life because no man gets to the Father except through Him.


If you don’t hear that voice or if you are not sure; if you can’t remember a specific time when you made that decision, then I need to talk to you right now.  It’s too important to not be positive.  Do it right now.

“What’s Wrong with my Marriage?” – Ephesians 5:22-33

Imagine this scenario, if you will, for just a minute.  You go to the doctor complaining about not feeling well.  You explain that you know you don’t eat right.  You never get any exercise.  You smoke, drink and eat bacon at every meal but you don’t know why you don’t feel good.  So, the doctor runs some tests but he doesn’t want to make you feel bad for your poor dietary choices, so he tells you that everything is just fine.  He says you’re healthy and you can just go home and continue doing what you have been doing.  How would you feel about that?

Suppose you go to your lawyer and ask him about this letter you got from the Wise County Sheriff saying there is a warrant out for your arrest.  He looks at it and does some research but he doesn’t want you to be embarrassed about your legal problems so he comes back to you and tells you that it’s all a mistake.  Don’t worry about it.  They sent that letter to the wrong person.  Everything is fine.  How would you feel about that?

Lastly, you go see your bookkeeper.  You tell him that your credit card got declined at the store and so you ask him about your finances.  How are your investments doing?  How much are you worth financially?  Well, he pulls up your account on his computer and you are broke.  Broke like a Chinese kids’ toy broke.  But he likes you and doesn’t want you to feel bad so he tells you that you are a millionaire and you should just use another credit card.  How would you feel about that?

You would be mad, wouldn’t you?  You would be mad because you want to know the truth about important things even if it hurts.  You trust your doctor, lawyer and your bookkeeper to tell you that truth.  Okay, so maybe you don’t really trust your lawyer but you still expect the truth from him, right?  What you do with that truth is up to you but you don’t want to be misled about things that are so important.

What about your relationships with the people that you love the most?  Do you want to know the truth when it comes to marriage?  Do you want to know the truth when it comes to your family?  Of course you do.  You want to know the truth even if it hurts.  The question is, where do you find that truth?

Winston Churchill once said, “Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.”  Well, I don’t want to just stumble over truth and run off from it.  I want to know it, live, learn it and roll around in it.  I want to envelope myself in truth.  I may not always live like it, but I want to know what it is and in all my nearly-50 years, I have never found the Bible to be anything but truth.

In fact, I have literally bet my life, in this world and the next, that the Bible is truth.  My life, my job and my eternity are based on my belief that the Bible and every word in it are infallible and inerrant truth from the Old Testament into the New Testament and into my life and yours and if it is not then, like Paul said, we are of all people most to be pitied. (1 Corinthians 15:19)

So, let’s turn to the book of Ephesians and see what God has to say about marriage through the Apostle Paul.  I hear people complain about their marriage pretty often and way too often I also hear them say, “Yes, I know what the Bible says but…” and then they continue that sentence with, “I feel” or “I think” and it drives me crazy.  Do you want to feel good or do you want to know the truth?  Do you want to go by what you think or what the Bible says is truth? 

Ephesians 5:22-33 can be hard for some people to swallow but if you have ever wondered, “What’s wrong with my marriage?” then this passage is for you.  Let’s read it.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the LORD. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³²This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The speaker at the local woman's club was lecturing on marriage and she asked the audience how many women wanted to "mother" their husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand.  "You do want to mother your husband?" the speaker asked.

"Mother?" the woman echoed. "I thought you said smother." Reader's Digest, October, 1993.

I understand, ladies, that sometimes you may feel this way and some of you might want to smother me just for reading this passage but I want to know what God says about marriage.  I want to know what it is and what it isn’t and how to make it better and how to make it worse.

According to the website divorcerate.com the divorce rate in the United States today is somewhere between 40-50 percent.  The cause, according to said website, is because of certain problems like incompatibility between couples, infidelity issues, lack of trust and understanding, and financial pressures.  Well, duh!  But every marriage is going to have those kinds of stressors so how does it help when the woman submits to the man and the man loves the woman like this passage says?

Well, Paul compares it to the church submitting to Christ and how Christ loves the church.  How does the church submit to Christ?  The word “submit” literally means to voluntarily place one’s self under another.  It is voluntarily yielding in love.  We, as the church, submit to Jesus when we yield to His desires but His desires are for our good.  That is exactly what a good marriage has.

Think back to what that website said were the causes of most divorces: incompatibility between couples, infidelity issues, lack of trust and understanding, and financial pressures.  Almost all of that goes away with biblical submission, love and respect.  Financial pressure may be a little different than the others but there is financial pressure in almost every marriage, rich or poor.  There are lots of dead-broke happily married couples and more than most wealthy couples get divorced, so money is no guarantee of marital success at all.

In fact, the main reason a marriage fails, even a Christian marriage, is because one or both parties fails to submit to Christ.  Submission doesn’t mean slavery and notice that Paul says that a woman is to submit to her husband.  He doesn’t say she submits to all men or any other man.  Only her husband.  She’s not inferior to the man.  She knows he loves her and wants the best for her so she chooses to allow him to make that choice.

It’s a tired old illustration but it’s still a good one that presents a growing and healthy marriage as a triangle with the man on one side and the woman on the other with God at the top and the closer each person gets to God, the closer they get to each other.  That’s what a good marriage is; each person considering the needs of the other as they grow in their love and submission to Jesus.

So, if your question is, “What’s wrong with my marriage?” you and your spouse might well ask, “What’s wrong with my relationship to Jesus?”  Now, lots of people who are not Christians have successful marriages and that’s great.  I’m not saying that only Christians can do that, of course not.  But there is a spiritual aspect to marriage that can’t, or at least shouldn’t, be overlooked.

I visited the Wise County Jail a few weeks ago and I started talking with a group of about 7-8 guys and I asked them for what they were thankful and several, maybe most, said they were thankful for their families including their baby-mamas.  They’re obviously talking about the women with which they have babies but are not their wives.  They also went on to talk about the difficulties they had in these relationships.

I hadn’t planned on it but I felt led to say something about how they shouldn’t expect God to bless a sexual union between people who weren’t married.  Marriage is difficult enough when you do everything right.  You sure don’t want to start off living in sin.  Well, that didn’t make me very popular with most of those guys and I doubt that this sermon will raise my approval rating with a lot of people because I want to see, not only what makes a good marriage, like love, respect and submission, but also what marriage is and is not.

One of those guys in jail asked me what I thought marriage was because he said that in the eyes of the state, he was married.  They never had a wedding but that’s just a piece of paper and a ceremony.  He was common-law married and he thought that was good enough and I thought he had a great question.  I did some research and this is what the state of Texas says about common-law marriage.

To have a common-law marriage in Texas, the couple must: 1) Agree to be married, 2) Live together in Texas as husband and wife, and 3) Tell other people that they are married. (http://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage) That’s it.  There is no time frame involved.  Just shack up and call yourself married.  Easy peasey. 

But that leaves out the spiritual aspect that I was talking about and if this life is only physical and the spiritual doesn’t matter then let’s all live with whoever looks good or feels good and go on with life and if it doesn’t work then we’ll just get a divorce and go find somebody else that looks or feels good.  Right?  I mean, what could go wrong?

But if the spiritual does matter and if you want to obey God and please God and be blessed by God then you have to know what He says and God says in the Bible that living together in a sexual relationship outside of marriage is fornication.  1 Corinthians 7:2 says, “to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Now, a wedding looks different to different cultures and times but in Christian culture a wedding always involves a man and a woman standing before God and their peers and declaring their love and fidelity to each other for as long as they live.  Adam even stood before God and although he had no peers he proclaimed to the world and especially to God that this woman was now bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. (Genesis 2)

Jesus commented on this passage when the Jewish leaders brought up the topic of divorce: “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:6–9).  Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Now, that brings up another issue that is not going to make me popular but I have to bring it out.  If you want your marriage to be blessed by God then that marriage must involve one man and one woman.  Everything else is sexual immorality. 

Now, I know this is going to keep me from ever being invited onto the Ellen Show and Oprah is going to hear about this and she’ll never call me to be on the OWN Network.  But seriously, much worse is the fact that I have gay and lesbian friends and family that might not like this and might just assume that because I sin differently than they do that I think I’m better than they are or that I don’t love them.  I promise nothing could be further from the truth.  This isn’t Todd’s idea.  It’s God’s.

From the Old Testament to the New Testament, homosexuality is called a perversion.  Leviticus 18:22 says, “Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.”  Romans 1 says, “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵ They exchanged the truth about God for a lie.  ²⁶ Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷ In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”


Some versions translate that with slightly different words but whatever version you use, you can’t seriously argue that the Bible says homosexuality is anything but sinful and sin always puts a barrier between us and God.  We all sin.  We all know that and while every sin is an affront to Holy God, sexual sin is worse in its consequences.  1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”


Now, the comeback I hear most often when it comes to homosexuality is that “Well, God made me this way.  I didn’t choose this lifestyle” and the “nature vs. nurture” debate rages on.  There are libraries full of books that “prove” one way or the other and I’m not smart enough to even give an opinion. 

I do know that God hates sin and Romans 1 clearly teaches that because these persons “worshipped and served the creature rather than the creator” and “changed the truth of God into a lie” God gave them up to homosexuality, which is described as “shameful lusts”.  Further, Romans 1 clearly teaches that homosexuality is “against nature,” which means that this orientation is foreign to man’s nature, that is, it is NOT INSTILLED BY GOD.


But let’s just say for a minute that God did predispose a person to that kind of behavior.  Even that is not a good enough reason to sin.  For me personally, I know for a fact that I am heterosexual.  No doubts there.  However, I choose not to pursue an active sexual lifestyle just because God made me this way.  I’m not married and so I make the choice to live celibate. 


Don’t tell me that God made you with anger issues and so you are angry.  Don’t say that God made you to have forgiveness problems and so you can’t forgive and don’t say that God made you gay so being gay is not a sin.  All sin is a choice and you can choose to do it or not to do it.


1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”  That includes anger, unforgiveness, lust, theft, greed, gossip, homosexuality and every other sin.


The good news is that 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  That includes anger, unforgiveness, lust, theft, greed, gossip, homosexuality and every other sin as well.


As I wrap things up here this morning, I hope you will hear me as I speak from my heart.  Obviously, I am no expert on marriage and so I have tried real hard to keep my opinions and my advice and my thoughts out of this.  Notice that I have purposefully not tried to be funny or have dramatic illustrations but instead, I have just cited scripture.


Please know that I have agonized over this message like I don’t think I have in a long time because I really do have friends and family that I dearly love who struggle with these biblical concepts about what marriage is and what it is not.  I only, only, only want to speak truth even if it hurts me or the people I’m speaking to and this has hurt. 


I know it has and it would be a lot easier on me if I could just preach all Joel Osteen about how God is love and you’re ok and I’m ok and then we would probably have more people come to this church and we would leave feeling all warm and fuzzy but, as a pastor, I am called to preach the whole counsel of God, the whole will of God as it says in Acts 20:27. 


You expect the whole truth from your doctor, your lawyer and your bookkeeper so you should expect it from your pastor.  To have a marriage blessed by God we have to do it according to His plan and sometimes that is hard but the good news is that we can have forgiveness and we can start over.


Maybe you need to start over in a whole new way by asking God to forgive you of your sins, all of them, and to repent of those sins – to turn away from them - asking Him to be Lord of your life.  This life is hard for everybody but with a relationship with Jesus, we can have peace and joy in life and we can have happy, fulfilling marriage and abundant lives but we also get eternity in Heaven with Him.


Do you want that?  Of course you do.  It’s not always easy but it is simple.  Accept Him.  Believe in Him as your Savior and confess that with your mouth and you can have it.  Do it today.



Invitation / Prayer


So, here’s the takeaway.  When it comes to biblical marriage, living together before marriage or homosexuality, I would encourage you not to give your opinion but instead to cite scripture.  A biblical marriage relationship is found in Ephesians 5:22-33.  God speaks to sex outside of marriage in lots of places but Mark 10:6-9 and Hebrews 13:4 are very clear.  For homosexuality, almost all of Romans 1 is hard to defend.


If somebody says, “I know what the Bible says but…” then just know that they are just giving their opinion and your opinion is as good as theirs.  Lastly, and foremost, speak the truth but speak it in love.  We are all sinners.