“What Jesus Says About Divorce” – Matt. 5:31-32

*Slide show of people having a bad day, ending with crying bride*

I don’t know the story behind this picture but I have a pretty good idea that she is having a bad day.  I assume that all of her planning and preparations and dreams are, like her dress, wasted.  She is devastated, embarrassed and alone.  But do you know that, for her, it could be worse?  It could end with this next slide and that would be worse.  *Divorce decree*

This situation is much worse than any of those others.  If that bride felt devastated, embarrassed and alone before, those feelings are considerably magnified with divorce.  I heard somebody say that an ex-spouse is like an inflamed appendix, they cause a lot of pain and suffering, but after it's removed you find you didn't need it anyway!   But that’s not true is it?

You would think with all the websites devoted just to divorce jokes that I could have found a funnier joke, huh?  I think there are so many jokes about bad marriages and divorce because so many people have gone through it and because we want to make light of the pain it causes.  But there are few things in this world that cause the kind of pain that divorce causes.

It is one of the reasons that God said in Malachi 2, “I hate divorce!”  He hates divorce because the family is one of the building blocks for society.  He hates it because there is nothing more harmful to children other than maybe physical or sexual abuse than for parents to separate.  I don’t care how old the children are, divorce is a horrible wound to inflict on them.

God hates divorce because marriage is the very picture He uses to describe the relationship between Him the church.  God hates divorce because marriage was His plan from the very beginning to provide man with a help-mate and when two people come together in marriage God sees them as becoming one flesh (Genesis 2).  So, if one flesh is ripped apart by divorce, how can there not be pain?  How can there not be devastation, embarrassment and aloneness?

We have all heard the statistics about divorce; that 50% of marriages end in divorce even amongst Christians but new research shows that is not true and I am happy to report that while that is true of non-believers, believers have a much higher rate of success in marriage.  Divorce in homes that are truly Christian is less than half that.  While that is good news even one divorce is too many. 

Divorce should never be an option in the home of a true disciple of Jesus and today we are going to look at what Jesus had to say about this as we continue our look at the Sermon on the Mount; the sermon Jesus preached to His disciples on the banks of the Sea of Galilee so many years ago and just like everything else Jesus said, His teaching here is counter-cultural.  It is so counter-cultural that many Christians ignore it thinking surely He is not really serious about this or maybe He is not speaking literally.

We will find out in Matthew 5:31-32.  Jesus has just mentioned what it means to commit adultery in the previous verses and it leads perfectly into the subject of divorce.  Now, because Jesus is God and as God He came up with the idea of marriage, He knows what the ideal is for marriage and for men and women in general.  He has given these ideals as rules for us to live by, not because He is a big ol’ meanie-head who enjoys watching us struggle but just the opposite.  He wants only the best for us and that includes in our marriages and so He has this to say about marriage and divorce in Matthew 5:31-32.

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’³² But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

I told you last week that Jesus didn’t care much about being politically correct.  He was blunt and right to the point.  He starts off again here saying that He is redefining the terms for getting a divorce.  He says, “It has been said” this way but I am now saying this way. 

Again, Jesus is not changing the Law.  He is fulfilling it and when He says that they have heard it one way before, He is talking about how Moses gave the law in Deuteronomy 24:1-2 that said that a man could divorce his wife by giving her a divorce decree if she was found to be unclean.

The problem was, men couldn’t agree on the definition of the word “unclean”.  Some said it was adultery but some interpreted it to mean anything that displeased a man including burning his dinner.  Jesus now wades into this discussion and puts an end to it or should have put an end to it by redefining it so that nobody misunderstands.

While it is pretty clear what Jesus is talking about I want to make sure that we all understand what He is saying.  The words of Jesus really need no interpretation but sometimes our Bible translations say different things and I want to show you that they really all mean the same thing.  Also, there is one small cultural issue to understand but Jesus says it is adultery to divorce and remarry unless the spouse has already committed adultery.

We understand adultery to mean the sin of having sex with someone not your legally married husband or wife.  Some translations may say marital unfaithfulness or fornication or sexual immorality.  Don’t get bogged down with the translations because they all mean the same thing.  There is no wriggle room here. 

The cultural issue that Jesus assumes we take into account is the fact that in that day a woman had very few ways to support herself without a husband so it is assumed that if she got a divorce that she would marry again.  Jesus is saying that unless the reason for that divorce was adultery by one of the spouses then it was adultery for her to remarry.

People think that to be a harsh judgment because they say they were married before God.  Now they are getting divorced before God.  But it doesn’t work that way.  God recognizes and blesses marriage.  It was His idea to bring a man and a woman together to make one.  He thought of it.  He ordained it and He blesses marriage.  There is no divorce covenant.

That’s what marriage is, by the way.  Marriage is a covenant.  We have talked before about how Satan wants to take the truth and then twist it to mean something else entirely and that is what he has done with marriage.  People think living together is as good as marriage.  Even the laws have changed to include marriage by “common law” or after having lived together for a certain period, our country says they are as good as married.  God sees no such thing.  There is a difference between two people who are committed to each other and two people who go into the covenant of marriage.

In Malachi 2:14, the same passage that  God says He hates divorce He also says, 'Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion, and your wife by covenant.”  A commitment is a civil agreement. A covenant is religious by nature and should be presided over by a religious official. Breaking a commitment can be done by mutual agreement. However, a covenant is considered binding and can only be broken if God has provided for such a dissolution - such as adultery. (http://www.comereason.org/marriage-god.asp)

Years ago I worked for the Texas State Comptroller’s office.  The Comptroller is responsible for collected state taxes and my job was to go to businesses that were late in paying the taxes they had collected and demand payment.

When you go into Allsups and buy a burrito, an air freshener and a Bridgeport Bulls t-shirt you pay the price on the item plus the sales tax of 8.25%.  The store collects that sales tax and is responsible for paying that to the state every so often.  But some business owners go to great lengths to not repay that money they have collected.  It never was theirs but they still try to keep it and the state of Texas frowns on that so they would send me to collect it.

Sometimes I would track down the owner and demand that he pay what he owed and he would say that he didn’t owe that money anymore because he had sold the business and he had an agreement with the new owner that that guy would be responsible for all taxes.  My response was always that it was fine for you to have that agreement but that agreement was between those two parties, not with the state.

Those taxes were collected by you and you are going to pay back those taxes.  The state was not a party to that agreement just like God is not a party to the separation of two married people unless that separation is because of adultery.  The thing is, even then divorce is not necessarily the best option.  God never said and Jesus never says it in this sermon that divorce is the only way out when there is adultery.

When God states He hates divorce, there is no qualifier with it.  He never said He hated divorce except in the case of adultery.  He never said that if you just can’t get along then go ahead and get divorced.  He never said that it’s ok even if there is abuse.  He never said any of that.

The Apostle Paul said basically the same thing in 1 Corinthians 7:10.  “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”

He wrote to Timothy with an even stricter rule for elders in the church.  1 Timothy 3:2 says, “An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife.”  In other words, if you are going to be a leader in the church then no matter what, you get one wife, period.  God takes divorce and marriage very seriously and the teachings of Jesus and Paul are as counter to what our culture believes today as they were 2000 years ago.

So, now I want to read all the verses that tell us as a church to reject those people who have been married multiple times or the ones who have committed adultery.  Let’s read together all those verses that tell us to treat them like second-class citizens.  Where are all the sayings of Jesus about how useless those people are and how we should keep the divorced out of church and out of leadership?  There are no verses like that.

We all know that and, in fact, that may sound crazy to most of us here today but it happens in so-called Christian churches all the time.  I had a dear friend my age that recently got divorced.  His wife had committed adultery and yet he tried to reconcile but she wouldn’t have it.  So he did what all of us would and should do at a time like that.  He ran to his church family for comfort.

He ran TO them and they ran FROM him, almost literally.  He said he walked in the door and people he had known for years treated him like they had never met him and didn’t want to…so he left.  He may never go back.  If you have ever gone through a divorce you may have been treated like that as well. 

Is that what Jesus did?  His words were strict and to the point but His heart was and is full of mercy to those of us who have made mistakes.  In John 4 we read of the Samaritan woman at the well who had been married five times.  What did Jesus do?  The first thing He didn’t do was to condone her sin and say it was ok, He understood.  No, He didn’t say it was alright but He didn’t shun her either.  He talked to her and gave her the Water of Life which satisfied her thirsty soul.  He saved her.  He included her.  He loved her.

In John 8 a woman is brought to Jesus having been caught in the act of adultery.  I always find it interesting that the man was not brought, only the woman.  But anyway, the woman is brought and what does Jesus do?  Does He tell her not to worry about that sin; that it wasn’t that big of a deal?  Or does He throw a rock at her like the others were about to do?  No, He forgave her sin and told her to go and sin no more.

When someone receives Christ as their Lord and Savior, it means they begin a new life. According to John 3 you are born again and in 2 Corinthians 5:17, a genuine Christian has become a "new creature". It means that it is not only possible but necessary to live out what God has revealed about marriage and divorce from the point of his or her relationship with Christ. Marriage, after all is a beautiful picture of the relationship of Christ and His Church.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!  With that relationship with Jesus a horrible marriage can be saved or a checkered past can be forgiven.  As disciples of Jesus we have the responsibility to know what Jesus said and to treat what He said seriously but also to treat others as He would treat them - no more, no less.

Most of you know my story.  I have given my testimony here any number of times and one of the many reasons I love this church family is the way I have always been treated here.  My wife of eight years came to me and basically just told me she didn’t want to be married anymore.  There was no adultery with either of us.  She just had other plans.  But I thought my ability to ever minister in any way was gone for good.

When this church asked me to be the pastor, I was grateful for their interest but I assumed that when they found out I was divorced it would change their minds.  But I was wrong and next month will be four years that God has blessed me here at this church and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else doing anything else.

I have been told before that when I give my testimony that I shouldn’t include the fact that I have been divorced.  I’m sure there are some who might think I shouldn’t be talking about it here today.  But while I still grieve over the loss of my marriage and I still hurt from how it happened, it is a part of me that I want to talk about because through it I can say, “Look at what God has done in my life!”

I don’t say it to bring attention to me but to bring attention to God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness.  I have seen the price there is to pay for divorce but I have also seen God take something that Satan meant for my harm and turn it into something good like only He can.

Isaiah 43:18-19 has been my go-to verse for some years now and I still appreciate it.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”

He has done it for me and He can do it for you if you are His disciple.  If you follow Him He will do a new thing in you, too, because you are His beloved bride.  Put your faith and trust in Jesus today and allow Him to change you and use you as He sees fit.  You will never regret it.