I was
driving down the road with my mother this week – just her and me – and she
asked me something, just out of the blue. She said, “Todd, can I ask you a
question?” Now, anytime anybody ever asks you if they can ask you a
question, you know it’s serious. But when my mother asks me if she can ask me a
question, it can only mean one thing. I’m in trouble.
It brought
back bad memories of high school when the question was, “Where in the world
have you been?” or “Who were you with?” or “What time did you
come in last night?” So, when she asked it, I tried to act all cool but
inside I’m wondering what she knows and what my alibi is going to be. I’m 51
years old and my mind is racing with what I’m going to tell my mama and I don’t
even know the question yet.
But,
thankfully, this time I wasn’t in trouble. She really had a question for me.
She asked me why I have never gotten remarried. As most of you know, I was
married once for eight years and I have been divorced for nine years now. It
was not my choice and I tried to make it work and even though neither of us
cheated on the other, she was determined to divorce and so it happened. And
yes, I’m sure hearts are breaking all over Texas right now but I’ll never marry
again and I’ll tell you why.
First, when
somebody asks me why I don’t remarry, for me it’s kind of like saying, “Yes,
but Mrs. Lincoln, other than that, how was the play?” You know what I mean?
There were some good times, but overall, it was not an enjoyable experience.
So, I have no desire to remarry. It’s like taking your dog for a walk and he
gets hit by a car. The next day when you grab the leash, the dog says, “Uh,
no thanks. I’m good right here.”
But I have
other reasons and one of them is found in our passage this morning. We are
continuing our study of the Sermon on the Mount. It’s the message Jesus
preached that set the world on its ear and continues to challenge Christians
and non-Christians still today. It is found in Matthew chapters 5, 6 and 7
but today we are going to look at just two verses in chapter 5.
When people
talk about biblical divorce, there is often some confusion. Let me just say
that the confusion is not on God’s part, nor is it because scripture is
unclear. The problem seems to be that scripture doesn’t say what most of us
want it to say and so we do some mental gymnastics and justify some of our actions
and then substitute what we think it says and then misinterpret what we don’t
want and come out with a jumbled mash of Satan-pleasing false-teaching.
I heard a
preacher on the radio just this week say, “There is some confusion in what
the Bible says about divorce. But what we do know is that God only allows divorce
in cases of adultery and abuse.” I’ve heard that quite a few times in my
life but, in fact, scripture is quite clear. There is no confusion. God permits
divorce only in cases of adultery and even then, it is not recommended.
It makes
sense to me that you should be able to divorce if the other person is abusing
you, but I didn’t write the Bible. Jesus is plain in this passage and if you
don’t like the way He says it, we will read a similar quote of Jesus in Matthew
19 later where He says the same thing and you won’t like that either. But,
again, as with everything Jesus taught, He is not telling us this to keep us
from having fun or because He likes being mean. He is saying this for our
protection. So, let’s read Matthew 5:31-32 and see exactly what Jesus
said.
31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give
her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his
wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and
anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Son: Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts
of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father:
Son, that’s true everywhere.
That is
true, isn’t it? You think you know somebody pretty well and then you get
married and start to live together and then you really get to know each other. You
see them at their best when they are dressed up and going to their new job and
then you see them at their worst when they are sick and haven’t showered in
three days. Marriage is fun and exciting and fulfilling…but it’s also hard. If
you have been married for more than about 48 hours, you know that’s true.
But that’s
why we make vows at our weddings. We actually stand up before our friends,
family and God and promise to always love our spouse and never leave
them. And yet, it still happens. I did some research (I googled it) and found
some statistics on divorce. About 40% of first marriages end in divorce in the
U.S. Second marriages end about 60% of the time and third marriages end about
70% of the time. But I saw a study done by Harvard University that said when
the couple goes to church together regularly and prays and reads the Bible together
regularly, they have about a 1 in 1250 chance of divorce. Interesting, huh?
Despite
Jesus being very clear here and in other places, there is still some confusion
about divorce, even in the church, so let’s look at what He said a little
closer. There was confusion about divorce in the days of Jesus as well and
probably for the same reasons. They didn’t like what the Old Testament said
about it so they tried to change it up just a little bit to make themselves
feel better.
In verse
31, Jesus again quotes what has been taught by the rabbis and the Pharisees
and other teachers. He said, "It has been said,
'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'” Yes,
it had been said by Moses in Deuteronomy 24 that a man had to give his
wife a certificate of divorce and so they interpreted that to mean that was all
that was required. If the old hag burned your biscuits…scribble, scribble, here
ya go. Hit the bricks.
Can you
imagine how God felt about that? There is a fascinating story in the book of
Hosea about how God told Hosea to take Gomer as his wife. Now, some of you
didn’t know that Hosea was even a book of the Bible and most of you haven’t
read it lately, I bet. But what is shocking is that God told Hosea to take this
woman, Gomer, to be his wife even though she was a prostitute. And she
continued to be a prostitute even after they were married but God kept telling
Hosea to go and get her and bring her back. He once even had to buy her off the
auction block and take her home.
God had
Hosea to do that because it represented how God loved the nation of Israel and
yet Israel was being unfaithful to God in their sins. In the New Testament,
Jesus is said to be married to the church; the global church, and loves her
with the love a man should have for his wife. I say all of this to ask you how
it must make God feel to see His idea; His perfect plan of marriage of one man
and one woman for a lifetime being so disrespected and taken for granted.
Marriage is
a big deal to God. It was His idea and He blesses it when it honors Him but
there are consequences when it doesn’t, and divorce was never part of God’s
plan and will never be blessed or even recognized by God as a divorce except in
the case of adultery. When somebody says, “Oh, I just feel led by God to
divorce my husband and go be with that other man. I just have peace about that.
I know God wants me to be happy.” Well, that’s hogwash.
In Genesis
2:24 it says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is
united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” One flesh. How do you
separate one flesh?
*Pick up 2 x
2 piece of plywood, hammer and safety glasses*
Anybody know
the secret to splitting apart this plywood? I think all you have to do is hit
it on the edge just right with a hammer and it will probably come right apart.
Maybe if I use this chisel. It’ll surely just split right apart then, don’t you
think? Well, maybe I need to hit it harder. Hmm…still not working.
Do you know
why it’s not working? Because these two sheets of wood have become one and you
can’t separate them without doing a lot of damage to both pieces. It’s the same
when two people come together in marriage. “They become one flesh.” When
a couple divorces, it’s like a person cutting off an arm or a leg because it
has a splinter in it. It may be a big splinter. It may be very painful but you
treat the problem and you keep treating it. You don’t sever the leg.
In Malachi
2, God is pretty plain about how He feels about divorce. Let me read to you
from Malachi 2:15-16. “Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let
none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 For the LORD God of
Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with
violence," says the LORD of hosts.” God is pretty plain that He hates
divorce but when He says it covers one’s garment with violence, what
does that mean?
It literally
means to spatter your garment with blood. Divorce is a violent act. It severs a
relationship that God has brought together. It splits what is now one flesh.
It’s bloody. It’s violent and that is not to even mention the children
involved. I fully believe that divorce is a form of child abuse. And I say that
because I know of too many kids that have been warped by their parents’
divorce. And it doesn’t matter what age they are. I have a friend who was forty
years old when her parents divorced and it messed her up.
Look at verse
32 again. It just gets worse. 32But I tell you
that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the
victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
The
Pharisees were proud of themselves for not acting adulterous even though they
were lustful and Jesus hammered on them with verses 27-30 that we looked
at last week and here Jesus takes another swing at them with verse 32.
The Pharisees would see a woman they wanted and would just give their wives a
certificate of divorce and go get another one. Jesus said that divorce leads to
adultery. When you divorce a woman without cause like that, you commit adultery
and you force her to be adulterous if she marries again. Getting a divorce
without cause of adultery is bad enough, but if either get remarried, it’s sin
on top of sin plus their new partners have sinned as well. It’s a nightmare. No
wonder God said He hated it.
So…here we
are, a divorced man talking to, I know, a majority of divorced and remarried
people. So, what do we do? First, divorce-proof your marriage. Do you ever go
to the doctor for a checkup? You should. You should also go to the marriage
doctor for a marriage checkup. Seriously. Do it once a year. I know you don’t
need it but think of it as insurance. Go see a licensed Christian marriage
counselor. It’s like taking your car in for a tune-up except your marriage is a
lot more valuable.
Another part
of divorce-proofing your marriage is just what Harvard found out. Invest time
with your spouse in prayer, Bible-reading, and church attendance. Men, you are
the spiritual head of the house. It is up to you to make this happen, not your
wife. So, be a man and love Jesus first and then your wife. The closer you each
get to Jesus, the closer you get to each other and pretty soon, there is
nothing that could separate you except death, just like God planned. In fact,
here’s your homework. Men, tonight lead your wife in reading 1 Corinthians 7
before you go to bed. Trust me. Now, if you read 1 Corinthians 7, you should
have a question about another good reason for getting divorced. The first one
that comes to me with that question will get a nice prize. Seriously.
Some other
insurance you should invest in is making sure you are never alone with a member
of the opposite sex if you aren’t married to them. I saw just this past week
that a republican candidate for Mississippi Governor, Robert Foster, has
said that no woman can be alone with him in a building or car even to interview
him. The liberal press is outraged but that’s just smart and even more so these
days with the #metoo movement where people are accusing each other of all kinds
of stuff. Yes, it’s a hassle sometimes but it’s worth it.
So, from
here out, you are never again going to get a divorce. But what about the past? I
know a lot of you are divorced and most are remarried. Should you get divorced
to make up for that sin? Of course not. 1 Corinthians 7 just happens to cover
that as well. A sin can’t be undone. But you can make sure you have
forgiveness.
If you
realize that you have sinned in the past, you need to take that to God right
now, by name, and ask for His forgiveness. I hope you have already done this
but you might not have even realized what you did in the past was sin, so go to
God in repentance and ask Him for forgiveness.
1 John
1:9 says, “If we
confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and
purify us from all unrighteousness.” With our heads bowed and eyes closed
let’s do that right now. If there is any sin of any kind in your life, repent
of that and ask God to forgive you. When you have done that, just spend a
minute thanking Him for that forgiveness and what it cost Jesus on the cross.
This is our
prayer time and invitation. If you need to come forward for prayer for anything
at all, do that right now. If you want prayer or if you want to join the church
or maybe rededicate your life or your marriage, I would love to pray with you
about that right now as the music plays.
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