“What a Man Needs In a Wife” – Genesis 24

The Perfect Story: There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman.  After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.  One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.  Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.  Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

Answer: The perfect woman.  She's the only one that really existed in the first place.  Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

A Male's Response: So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving.  This explains why there was a car accident.

Now, how many of those perfect women do we have here today?  Guys, this would be a perfect opportunity to point at your wife and say she is perfect.  I mean, we all know you’re lying but it will make her feel good.  So, again, how many perfect women here?  Good, good!  Now, next week we are going to see what a woman needs in a husband but today I want us to see what a man needs in a wife and thankfully it is not perfection.

Also, what a man needs in a wife can be and usually is different than what he might say he wants.  If you want to know what a man wants in a wife then you can just google that but I don’t really recommend it.  I’m sure not everything that pops up will be appropriate.  But if you want to know what a man needs in a wife, there is no better place to turn than to the Bible.

We saw last week that marriage is God’s idea.  He likes it and He blesses it when it fits the pattern He created for it.  He also knows what men and women need better than anybody else since He is the Creator of all things and He has written the owner’s manual.  The good news is that Psalm 37:4 says that if you delight in the Lord He will give you the desires of your heart.  He will actually give you the desires that He wants you to have.  Matthew 6:33 says to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

Knowing what God wants you to have and then pursuing that makes God happy and you can expect to have a healthy relationship when it is based on what God wants for you not just what you want.  The Bible is filled with information about how men and women should be and act but I have a favorite story that gives a great illustration of what a man needs in a wife and the Bible makes it plain that it is God that is bringing the two together.

Turn once again to Genesis to find a fascinating story but also a great example of what God can and will do when a man and a woman are obedient to His Word.  We mentioned last week the story of Isaac and Rebekah when we talked about marriage being God’s idea.  Let’s read part of that story in Genesis chapter 24.  I say we will read only part because it is a long chapter and it actually repeats itself when the main character, Eliezer, retells the story.  So, we don’t have to read the whole chapter to get the whole story.

If you want to follow along, and I hope you do, it is on page 16 of most of the Bibles in the pew.  I want to read 4 different sections – verses 10-19, 50-51, 55-58 and 61-67.  I will sum up the story up until now real quickly so that you will better understand what is going on.  You might remember that God told Abraham that he would be the father of a great nation which would become Israel but God made Abe wait to have a child until he was 100 years old and his wife Sarah was 90.

When we talk next week about what a woman wants and needs I think the first thing she doesn’t want is to have a baby when she is 90!  But that, too, was God’s idea and she gave birth to Isaac.  Skip forward about 40 years and Isaac has not married and so the promise to Abraham seems, once again, to be in jeopardy.  But God, in His perfect timing, sets the stage for a wonderful, romantic story to fulfill His promise to old Abe.

I, personally, prefer the Old Testament stories where the good guy gets to kill a thousand bad guys and heads go flying and swords are bloody but if you like a chick flick, you will probably like this story.  The main character and unlikely hero of the story is Abraham’s servant, Eliezer, who Abe sends off to find a wife for Isaac.  That’s where we pick up with Eliezer leaving Abraham, his master, to go on a long trip to find just the right woman for his boss’s son.

Genesis 24:10-19  ¹⁰ Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. ¹¹ He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.  Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. ¹³ See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. ¹⁴ May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” ¹⁵ Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. ¹⁶ The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. ¹⁷ The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.” ¹⁸ “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. ¹⁹ After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.”

Verses 50-51 ⁵⁰ Laban and Bethuel answered, “This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. ⁵¹ Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.”

Verses 55-58  ⁵⁵ But her brother and her mother replied, “Let the young woman remain with us ten days or so; then you may go.” ⁵⁶ But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the Lord has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master.” ⁵⁷ Then they said, “Let’s call the young woman and ask her about it.” ⁵⁸ So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?” “I will go,” she said.

And 61-67 61 Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left. ⁶² Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. ⁶³ He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. ⁶⁴ Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel ⁶⁵ and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. ⁶⁶ Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. ⁶⁷ Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Now, once you get past some wildly different cultural issues like parents picking the spouse and camels as part of the wedding party, you still have a story that is pretty incredible on several levels.  Unfortunately, we don’t have time to dwell on some of the major issues like the sovereignty of God or the provision of God.  But we can easily see some important illustrations of what a man needs in a wife from this passage.

It is important to see, though, that God has brought these two together.  Is there any doubt about that?  Could it be just coincidence or good luck or good karma that the perfect helpmate for Isaac would be immediately found so easily?  Of course not.  I say it was immediate and easy.  If you look at an Old Testament map you can see that Eliezer had to go about 400 miles to find her.  It would have taken a caravan like this probably close to a month to reach Nahor so you can see why Eliezer prayed he would find just the right one.

It’s not like running down to Allsups to pick up a loaf of bread and if you get the wrong one you can just return it.  Eliezer realized this and so he asked God to provide just the right one and to make it obvious and it is obvious that God did just that.  It is God’s idea that people should marry but He wants to be the one Who brings them together.  When God brings two people together, He has an ideal that we should emulate even today and even today we can see what God wants for man and what man needs in a wife illustrated by Rebekah.

The first virtue we see in Rebekah you may think to be old fashioned and you are right.  There’s nothing wrong with being old fashioned.  I also know that many of you have been married for years and maybe even married several times and this might not affect your marriage directly but it might affect your family and friends.  But the first thing we see about Rebekah is in verse 16.  It says she was a virgin.  Yes, it says she was beautiful but that is not so much of a virtue and while it might be what a man wants, it is not what a man needs.

But God wants and man needs for his future wife to be a virgin.  I’m reminded of the old chili commercial when I say, “When was the last time you heard a sermon talking about virginity?  Well partner that’s too long!”  We don’t talk about it much anymore or anywhere.  Safe sex is taught in schools and is allowed by parents who assume that kids are going to be kids and there is nothing they can do about it.

Well, yes, kids are going to be kids and if given the time and place they will have the opportunity.  Since the popular push for contraceptives for teens began, teenage sexual activity and pregnancy have increased almost 400% according to author and researcher Josh McDowell.  How’s that safe sex curriculum working out for ya?  But it’s not just because it obviously is harmful to you physically and emotionally.  There is also a huge spiritual price to pay for sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

So, while it’s true that kids will be kids, it is not true that there is nothing you can do about it.  You can teach them the value of God’s Word.  You can instill in them the truth and the consequences for going against that truth.  Teach them BOOCOD.  Teach them about the benefits of obedience and the consequences of disobedience.  Teach them for the benefit of their lives and of their future marriage.

This is the girl God has chosen for Isaac.  The future of the nation of Israel depends on this marriage and He chose the best for Isaac.  God wants the best for your marriage and He will most bless a marriage that starts out with two virgins.  That is God’s ideal.  That is His pattern.  It is His idea.

Not only was Rebekah a virgin, she was also very diligent.  She was persevering and hard-working. When she volunteers to water his camels in verse 19 I have to wonder if she saw that he had 10 of them.  Maybe 9 were around the corner and she didn’t see them or something.  But that’s not the way it was.  I researched it– and of course that just means I googled it – and on average, a camel drinks 30 gallons of water at a time.  I don’t know how big of a container she had but I would guess it wasn’t much more than 5 gallons.  To water 10 camels with a 5 gallon bucket would be a huge effort.  Don’t worry about trying to do the math!  It was a huge effort.

Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”  Proverbs 12:24 says, “The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor.” There is the story of an old mountaineer and his wife who were sitting in front of the fireplace one evening just whiling away the time.  After a long silence, the wife said: "Jed, I think it's raining. Get up and go outside and see."  The old mountaineer continued to gaze into the fire for a second, sighed, then said, "Aw, Ma, why don't we just call in the dog and see if he's wet."   Bits & Pieces, April 29, 1993, p. 3.

I mentioned last week that marriage is not a 50-50 contract.  Marriage is a ministry.  God knew that Isaac was going to need someone to minister to him; to be a helpmate to him and to be his partner.  He also knew it wasn’t going to be easy.  Marriage never is.  Marriage is no place for a woman with a “Princess Complex” who is waiting for her husband to provide her every desire while she sits at home watching Oprah and eating bon-bons. 

Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 31 for just a second.  If you start reading at verse 10, it starts describing a wife of noble character.  Mark that place and if you haven’t read it lately, go back after church and read through there.  We don’t have time this morning but you will see that she is busy.  She is using the talents God has given her for the sake of her husband, her family, herself and the community.  God chose a wife for Isaac who was a virgin and who was diligent and we also see that she was respectful.  We see Rebekah being respectful to Isaac when she gets down from the camel and covers her face with a veil in verses 64-65.  Both were signs of respect. 

“Oh, no, Pastor Todd, now you are really getting old-fashioned!”  Yes, it is old-fashioned, even more so than you might realize.  In fact, it goes all the way back to at least the Apostle Paul who said in Ephesians 5:33, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  I don’t do a whole lot of marriage counseling, maybe in part for the reason I don’t do a lot of hair-do counseling.  But when I do, I want to scream this verse to almost every couple.

Almost every couple that comes in could be helped if they took this verse to heart.  Paul nails it because research has shown that a woman’s greatest perceived need is to be loved and a man’s greatest perceived need is to be respected and do you know who he most wants to respect him?  His wife; the one he loves the most.  Going back to Proverbs 31, verses 11-12 say, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.  Proverbs 12:7 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

“But Pastor, my husband doesn’t respect me!”  Well, somebody has to start it.  Are you going to be a virtuous wife with a God-blessed marriage or are you going to be a vindictive wife with a crumbling marriage?  BOOCOD!  It’s your choice.   God’s ideal for a wife is a respectful wife.  I wish we had more time but just let me add this one thing about respect.  Respect is given in private and in public.  When your husband is listening and when he is not, be respectful.

Lastly, I want us to see that not only was Rebekah a virgin, a diligent woman and a respectful woman but she was also a woman of faith.  In verses 50-51, her brothers Laban and Bethuel say this is from the Lord.  Take Rebekah and go.  Now Rebekah could have easily said no.  She could have said, “Hey, let’s check this guy out a little bit.  We don’t know him.  He might be an axe murderer.”  But in verses 57-58 she makes it plain that she has confidence in her future going with Eliezer.  She says, “I will go.”

Bible scholars would tell us that in this story Isaac is a type of Christ.  His story and this situation fit perfectly with how Christ is waiting for His bride.  He is waiting patiently for the Father to say the word and He will be united with His bride which is the church.  Paul tells the church at Corinth in 2 Cor. 11:2, “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”

Ephesians 5 says, “ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

Matthew 25 says, “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ² Five of them were foolish and five were wise. ³ The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. ⁴ The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. ⁵ The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. ⁶ “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ ⁷ “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. ⁸ The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ ⁹ “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ ¹⁰ “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut. ¹¹ “Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’ ¹² “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’ ¹³ “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”

Just as we are to be a church that is pure and undefiled, relying on nothing but God and His Word and we are to be diligent, watching and waiting all the while prepared and we are to show Him the respect our Creator and Sustainer deserves, we also should be a people of faith like Rebekah, not knowing how or where but trusting in Him.  So also a man needs a wife that is known as a woman of faith.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.”  It is through faith that we will see the Bridegroom Christ.  Revelation 19:7 says, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.”

Are you ready for Him to come back and call His bride?  Matthew 24 says no one knows the hour when He will come.  Don’t wait another minute.  Come today and ask forgiveness of your sins, repent of those sins and accept His forgiveness, joy and peace as a bride without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.